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There seems to be an overlap with emotionally immature people and BPD. The cause seems to always stem from childhood stuff.

When we are talking about emotionaly immature people, we are talking about narcissists, right?

2024 20 1:00 Listen to on the the 30

Lunacy. This is lunacy. They don’t learn. Where did you do your studies? In oblivion. Sorry, but you are a charlatan, or completely ignorant at best. Not being rude. These words exist for a reason. I say all this, because I want people to get better, not worse. I explain below. You can’t have a relationship with aka narcissist. This video explains the situation well, BUT completely completely concludes wrong. It’s a lie. You can’t tell a narcissist anything lady. You are setting up people for fights and domestic abuse and complete crazymaking. I even see the interviewer at the end be taking back by you suggesting to set boundaries as the technique that will solve all this. WOW, and that is exactly what is she saying. Stay in a relationship with the narcissist and keep trying to set boundaries??? They will hurt you and manipulate you always. She is beyond wrong. Even if they do change, it will only be when they feel you are destroyed. Come on. Why do you think we even needed this video???? Cuz they don’t change. Make this video again and change the keep trying part. Walk away. They are compulsive and there isn’t anything you can do to change it. You will only be a shadow of yourself if you stay with them if you are lucky and complete depression and drug abuse doesn’t take you out, or you will take on the narcs traits or become a doormat. Even 2 year olds grow up. Parents would go batshit crazy if kids stayed at 2 forever. That is what a narc is. This lady just wants you to have problems and go read her book and keep you in therapy forever, or she is ignorant of the truth. Wrong conclusion. Walk away. if they can change, won’t the walking away change them if they can change? Life is hard in many respects. Having to disconnect is one of those hard things. Sam. Vaknin is really the only one willing to say the truth. All these self styled experts give you false hope narcissists can change. They can’t. They didn’t develop a proper ego. It’s impossible. This lady needs to revise her book and spiel. I don’t care how lovely you come off, as you are wrong and misleading people.

Men do not like using their brains to think about or understand how they feel

It's like listening to a podcast about my father.

i’d like to hear discussion of parents with such weak sense of self they use their children’s emotions and take them as theirs rather than relating to them and helping them understand the parent pushes their feelings on the child or feels their feelings through like having their kid have to process all the grief they won’t feel

she is just so on point never heard anyone talk about these things so well

Associating someone’s momentary lapse of seeming emotional immaturity doesn’t necessitate that being an innate quality of character

Can an emotionally immature person be uninterested in discussing the deeper parts of another person, but still interested in discussing those thing about themselves? A lot. Like a lot, a lot?

I’ve long thought of my shame as something a particular abuser poisoned my brain with, and felt gross about having it. It’s interesting to think of it as a useful survival tool for me, instead of something that only benefitted others.

They are Nightmares-- and very damaging to the mental and physical health of others. The instant you recognize any of these disrespectful signs in a persons personality - even once -- RUN

Through listening to three podcast with Dr. Gibson I've been enlightened as to why I've chosen the men that I chose. They all were emotionally immature, most very much but successful in all other areas and I now understand that my mother is the culprit of my lifelong ache to be heard, to feel important to feel worthy of love and to feel I'm enough. She has always been childish though I didn't realize how much until we lost dad. Coupled with the hard core religion she subjected me to its a wonder I'm able to function. I realized the man I am in love with is deeply wounded and very immature emotionally, so much so it caused us to split. Im just so floored now having the ability to understand why I am this way and that I'm not the broken one.

My birth mother is narcissistic and has delusional disorder, I prayed for so many years of my life that God would fix her, he hasn't..... I went no/low contact a few year ago. I'm deeply disheartened that I will never have the type of mother my heart yearns for, BUT I found MYSELF, and for that I'm beyond grateful💯💯💯

very informative

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I’m just trying to find some friends that prioritize themselves and cherish female bonding. Older Sister figure, younger sister figure I even like hanging with people 20 years older or younger. Everyone has something to teach us. I just can’t get anyone to have consistency or show up let alone conversation or interaction. Many friends are depressed and locked in as well or their family doesn’t want them to have close friends. Everyone is “too busy”. It’s a sad state of affairs. I am really just running into people that prefer to fist bump and be on their way. I keep trying. The interaction here gives me hope. Thank you for your hope.

You don’t HAVE to do anything. You can just leave them where they had you fucked up.

Laura ... just being constructive here. Try and limit your use of the word ... " like ".

There are entire subcultures (in the US-not naming names…) in which it is nearly explicitly said “do NOT have an inner life.” We are seeing the results of said oppression. In multiple arenas.

I fell asleep in 6 minutes 😴

Sometimes it's easier to cut all ties, when there is no compelling reason to maintain the relationship.

A lot of judgemental are you not? You pretend to be empathic as long as it ia not someone diferent from you. I like intimacy. BUT I understand some people don't like. And that does not give me the right to name them "imature" risking to bem imature myself for not accepting differences

I wish folks could talk about topics like this, and what they believe, while taking more care with their claims & how they’re phrasing & stating things. It’s irresponsible to make global statements like psychotropic medications are not needed, & all people’s bodies & systems have all that they need. Also, speaking about ideal healthy diets as though most folks in this country can avoid inflammatory processed foods is, at best, insensitive & exclusionary.

Hi Ms Lindsay, I’ve read your booked Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and become your fan. I bought in randomly in the bookstore a few days after my worst hearbreak. And your book, you wisdom, your kindness helped me a lot in my healing journey. Thanks for lifting me up in my darkest time. I wish that I have your email to write you a thank you letter, but because I couldnt, so I’m here on this youtube video commeting, hoping that it could reach to you someday. Again, I’m so grateful for your book. I wish you the best in life ❤

This is 🔥 🎯

you could be like Donald Trump😁 perfect example

Excellent podcast

Great interview but OMG so many ads!!! Makes watching or listening to your podcast so tiresome.

So appreciate this info, plus the comments!! ❤

They never actually listen when we talk But don’t say anything about it It’s not worth the effort lol 😝

Dear Ms Laura Reagan, your guests are fabulous. Thank you. Content is very useful. Only one suggestion: please improve the way you ask questions: it is distracting to hear you say so many times "you know...hmm...sort of, kind of, and long silence periods..well, you know...."

I definitely have a lot of these traits, except for the lack of empathy and kindness. But I deal in facts a lot to the detriment of how I relate those facts to others. As far as relationships I've definitely avoided them. Thank you for these insights.

You have to use it as an obstacle course for your own evolution, character building, discerning wisdom, using the opposition as a opportunity, without creating an idea of them in mind, but seeing them fresh & telepathically sending out good vibes to them for your own beingness to be pure, but having a manual to have defense agaisnt the dark arts of there unprincipled effect.

Narcissism

Neurodivergence also has emotional immaturity as a symptom and I can see why it's often misdiagnosed as personality disorders.

Listening to this and reading these comments are so familiar. These are the same issues people who are on the autism spectrum display. It’s like listening to a conversation about a topic you know you’ve heard before and the struggles are the same. But the “diagnosis” is different. Does ASD cause emotional immaturity, or are there a lot of emotional immature people who are likely undiagnosed and on the spectrum? Current research is showing genetic factors in this as well. It is very interesting.

The challenge with taking breaks is the fear you'll feel guilty after they die. Is that just me? How do you deal with that? (p.s. thank you so much for doing this video)!

I feel like this describes almost everyone I have ever met ... hmmmm

My grandma, a war survivor, left home early spent early years working then had to hide to survive. She was raising me and it was wonderful at time and terrible at other times. She would be offended by a slight criticism even of a child who didn’t like the table cloth, she would immediately get violent, be cursing, shutting doors and staying in her room for days not speaking, she would not look at me if we passed each other on the street unless some neighbor was looking, then she would suddenly pretend to be as if nothing happened. I don’t remember a single Christmas time or birthdays when the house would be cheerful and at peace and everyone would sit at the table and enjoy time together. Usually in the course of preparation a quarrel would break out she would stay in her room for days afterwards, my mom would hide her nose in the newspaper and I was left unattended. At some point I hated both of them. Although I know why she was like it, I am angry I had to go through it, I am angry there was no mature adult to shield me from this! Some people should never have kids or be around kids. If I tell my mother she wasn’t there for me, she was always silent and not present, spent time on watching tv she would always find an excuse, that she was tired or that I was a stubborn child. Both of them had no ability to self-reflect, only if it someone was watching then they knew they can’t afford their idiotic behavior. I felt so alone in my childhood, there was no one to sand behind me in a difficult time.

"I need you to make me feel good about myself, and to make me feel calm". Now I am aware of this and can reflect on the demands it placed on me, I can say it was exhausting, I was at the point of exhaustion. And so what happened? She had an affair.

One of the reasons why I wouldn't accept someone's "good" assessment was because I knew what I was presenting to the world wasn't the real me. I knew I was masking (although I only recently learned the word for it) and had only learned to act like I "should". But I could never be that person because it was just a conglomeration of adopted ideals. I knew how far I fell short. What I'm speaking of is the lack of Individuation. I never developed a healthy sense of Self. I had learned to reject and abandon myself early on. I was a chameleon. Underneath that, I believed my emotional immaturity and all of the trauma symptoms and survival strategies were the "real" me. Although I was in denial about a lot of them, deep down, I knew they were there. Although I wouldn't have been able to acknowledge it to myself, I knew how frequently my motivations in giving were actually acts of manipulation. I knew I rarely had "noble" intentions. I just wanted them to like me, or not be mad. Or I was trying to alleviate shame; atone for my existence. I knew how dishonest I was. I had never had a safe, authentic relationship. I never knew what it was like to be genuine. So of course, I wouldn't have believed someone's positive assessment. Why would I? I remember a conversation I once had with my Mom. I had called myself a failure. She asked me "All of those people that admire and respect you, do you think you have them fooled?" The answer was yes. It was the truth. I started to develop self-awareness prior to the collective narrative on narcissism (about 10 years ago). I'm so grateful for that. Not only because I held a victim narrative, and probably would have diagnosed everyone around me as "narcissists" and never looked deeper. As it was, I was able to see I was the common denominator and could understand there was more going on. But also because of the collective vilification and judgment. Seeing my unhealthy behavior, wounded aspects, and unconscious motivations was difficult enough. My inner critic was ruthless. Had I already learned to dehumanize and judge the "evil narcissist", the shame would have been so much worse. That is, if I could have even acknowledged those parts and motivations existed. Imho, the narrative and collective vilification of the narcissist has made healing more difficult for many. It's created an environment in which it's unsafe to practice honest self inquiry. It's exacerbated the shame, which makes it even more painful to acknowledge the behaviors and underlying motivations. It's so much easier to dehumanize a scapegoat and then to rationalize and justify our own unhealthy behavior. It can keep us in the drama triangle. Trauma symptoms are not character flaws. There's no shame in being injured. We really need a paradigm shift and to understand that judgment stems from shame. As long as we're judging, we're feeding our own shame and rejecting aspects of ourselves. This was a great conversation. I agree that shame is a survival strategy. But when we look from a larger perspective, isn't every emotion related to survival? Even the "positive" ones encourage bonding, which increases our likelihood to survive. If you're healing your shame, please remember that the only reason it was able to embed itself within you was because you cared. You only brought love to this world. You only needed to be loved. There's no shame in that. I love you. You are Precious and Worthy. I pray you're able to know and feel it, with all aspects of your being. 🙏💞 You matter. You belong here (or else you wouldn't be here). Thank you for doing the work. Your healing has a ripple effect.

Great video find! Definitely needed to hear this one today. Thank you!! Explains so much!

So much of helpful information! Can't believe it got this less views.

I have always felt like I was emotionally immature, broken or not developed like others. When I received feedback or facts about myself that fundamentally shows a level of maturity that is appropriate for my age, I have significant difficulty even listening to the information (let alone accepting it as possibly true). I am curious if having child/ like / alcoholic mother who ‘raised’ me ‘caused’ that , where this stems from or how to stop it. Thank you for the video.

TOO MUCH INTRODUCTION

laura, i absolutely loved and resonated deeply with your recap of dr gibson’s final words: “the way the relationship is with someone who’s emotionally immature is that they’re taking up all the space in the relationship and there’s really no space for you to be you, and that to disentangle is to allow for space where you get to be you, and then you can decide how you want to be in relationship with them.”

It's difficult because your validation for the people who created the problem are disregarding the problem just like rape You labeling the problems of the people that created it... A person who is still the victim getting blamed for the problem and validation for the abuser... Help victimizing When even with something like emotionally mature people Masking the symptoms Not solving problems ......outside of narcissism does not exist ?

With all due respect (and I respect Dr. Gibson and read her first book on emotionally immature parents), I find the advice to just keep repeating your boundary "ad infinitum" with the hope that the emotionally immature person eventually "gets it" to be harmful. If I understand correctly, we are to expend OUR limited energy on continually, "ad infinitum" expressing our boundaries hoping that the emotionally immature person eventually respects our limits? That energy would be better spent on improving ourselves, learning new skills, forming rock-solid relationships with our kids (so that they do not end up emotionally immature adults) instead of being forced to repeatedly state and enforce our own boundaries. Without consequences, emotionally immature people WILL NOT respect boundaries. There MUST be a stated consequences, usually "I will be forced to spend less time with you," "I will end this conversation," "I will leave the room," "I will hang up the phone," or even "I will not be able to have any more contact with you." Next, these consequences must be enforced. And that may lead to estrangement. I will say that my estrangement from an adult parent has led to me having a great deal more time and energy to focus on my own goals, since I am no longer forced to expend my precious energy on stating and enforcing boundaries with someone who does not care to respect them.

This makes me feel physically sick but it’s so true.